


I'm Begging Of You

by vintagenoise



Series: Young Volcanoes [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Love Triangles, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:43:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagenoise/pseuds/vintagenoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Young Volcanoes series, takes place late-'In Over My Head'</p>
<p>Cas lays his secrets on the table. Lisa just ends up even more confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Begging Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is part of a series - you'll definitely need to read parts [one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1448572) and [two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1775077) to understand what's going on here :)

_He talks about you in his sleep_  
 _There’s nothing I can do to keep_  
 _From crying when he calls your name, Jolene_  
 _And I can easily understand_  
 _How you could easily take my man_  
 _But you don’t know what he means to me, Jolene_  
“ **Jolene** ,” Dolly Parton

 

**August 2nd, 2006**

Lisa never expected _this_.

Sure, she figured Dean’s friends would show up at her door, singing his virtues. Dean may not be ‘popular,’ in the archaic 80’s sense, but what friends he does have are unflinchingly loyal. You get what you give, and Dean’s loyalty is unmatched.

So Lisa thought, anyway.

Charlie, Jo, Pam, maybe even Victor, Lisa had absolutely expected. Possibly even Dean, if he was brave enough.

Cas, however, was the last person she expected to see on her front porch.

He’s staring at her, and not for the first time, Lisa feels like those hooded blue eyes can see into her soul. Frankly, she thinks the guy’s a little weird, but Dean had always spoken so fondly of him that she wanted to give him a chance.

So much for that.

“Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it,” Lisa says, moving to shut the door, but Cas swings an arm out to stop her, and his expression turns slightly pleading. Because God forbid the guy ever feel more than twenty percent of any sort of emotion.

“You should hear it anyway,” Cas says. “Please let me in.”

“Why should I? You kissed my boyfriend.” Lisa pauses, then laughs softly. “I never thought I’d have to say that to a guy, but, well, here you are.”

Cas closes his eyes and sighs. “Please let me in, Lisa. I don’t mean you any harm.”

Lisa furrows her brow. “Too late.”

Cas actually winces before opening his eyes. His shoulders hunch, like he can feel the weight of his guilt, and he can’t meet Lisa’s stare. Good. She was starting to think he didn’t have a conscience.

She sighs and takes a step back, opening the door wider. “Come on in. But you only have about a half hour before my dad gets home.”

“This won’t take long,” Cas promises as he steps inside. “I wanted to talk to you about-”

“Dean.” Lisa closes the front door behind him, rolling her eyes “To tell me how sorry he is, and how hurt he is, and how I should totally make up with him, right?”

Cas stares at her as she crosses her arms over her chest. His gaze is assessing, almost academic, as it travels over her legs, her shoulders, her face and hair, like he’s scanning this image into his brain and translating it into whatever language makes the most sense to him.

He takes a deep breath before he says, “What I’m about to tell you cannot leave this room.”

Lisa blinks in surprise. “What?”

“Do you promise?” Cas seems to shrink a little bit, his stare finally faltering. “And you definitely can’t tell Dean.”

“I… well…-” Lisa hesitates. All things considered, no one would really blame her if she turned him away. And it might work in her favor to have some secret in her back pocket, something to ruin Cas if he ever steps out of line again.

But she kind of hates herself for thinking about things that way. Cas is a person, with feelings, whether he shows them or not. And however weird his relationship with Dean is, they still care about each other, and Lisa doesn’t want to take that away from Dean. Not really. She just wants to be included a little more, and not have to feel like she’s in a competition with Dean’s best friend. Hurting that friend doesn’t really help her case.

“Okay,” she says softly. “I promise.”

Cas shifts his weight between his feet, his hands fidgeting before he shoves them in his pockets. “You’re not wrong,” he whispers.

Lisa blinks. “What?”

“Dean said you thought him kissing a guy was funny, until you realized I was the guy he kissed.” Cas runs a hand through his hair, eyes still firmly focused on the ground. “So I know you know.”

Oh. It’s going to be _that_ conversation.

Lisa exhales slowly. “It’s kind of hard to miss.”

“Except for Dean.” Cas smiles fondly, raising his eyes as if he’s hoping she’ll understand him. “He has no idea. That’s why this is so fucked up right now.”

Not that Lisa’s mentioned this to Dean, but he doesn’t fly as far under the radar as he thinks he does. Several other girls on the squad had jumped on Lisa the first time Dean spoke to her, wanting to know his name and expressing jealousy that she was the one he decided to talk to. Dean sees himself as a nerd and an outcast, but Lisa’s friends saw him as a strikingly handsome loner, who never socialized outside of a very select group. He was more attractive for his distance, then even more so for his unavailability.

If Cas has unrequited feelings for Dean, he’s certainly not alone.

Maybe Lisa should be angrier at Cas. He knew Dean was in a relationship, but he still took part in that kiss. Whether or not he instigated it is irrelevant. But she’s not mad. She just kind of feels sorry for him.

Until he speaks again.

“You should know,” Cas says, “it wasn’t just the one kiss.”

Lisa turns to look at him. Cas bites his lip and sighs.

“We’ve kissed three times since I got into town.”

And that changes everything. Like a key opening a lock, Lisa finally understands.

It’s one thing for Dean to be encouraging Cas’s feelings because he likes the attention, like Lisa originally suspected. That’s kinda mean on Dean’s part, but it’s also understandable - everyone wants to be wanted, after all, and when Lisa thinks about it, Cas clearly doesn’t see himself as a real threat to her.

Except he _is_. Lisa gets that now. If they’ve kissed more than just once, and if they flirt with each other the way she’s seen them do, the way they touch each other, _God_ , she’s been so _blind_.

“He likes you too,” Lisa whispers, studying Cas’s face as he frowns and narrows his eyes. “You never noticed?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cas says, averting his gaze as a flush of pink crawls up from his neck. “He’s in love with you.”

Now it’s Lisa’s turn to squint in confusion. Cas isn’t a dumb guy. She figured that out right away. While he wasn’t exactly emotive, his eyes were sharp and astute. The first time she met him, she noticed how rarely he blinked, as if he was so busy soaking up the world that he didn’t want to miss a millisecond, lest he miss some new bit of information. No one can read Cas, but Cas can read everyone.

Except, apparently, Dean. Which would be funny, if it wasn’t breaking Lisa’s heart at the same time.

“My parents split up because my mom cheated,” Lisa says softly, meeting Cas’s gaze. “She says she loves Daddy, but she loved her friend too, and didn’t want to choose. They don’t talk about it around me very much,” she huffs, almost a laugh, “but I know that at the very least, Mom _thought_ she loved Daddy. Or she loved him in a different way. I don’t know, but I guess what I’m getting at is that it’s totally possible Dean could at least _think_ he likes _both_ of us?”

Cas stares at her in a way that’s actually kind of creepy, until she leans back just enough that he seems to realize what he’s doing. “Ridiculous,” he repeats, quieter this time. “Dean is my friend, and that’s all he’ll ever be. He told me he had a crush on you a year ago, and I was genuinely happy to hear that you were able to return his affections.”

He trails off for a moment, and the silence is tinged with a palpable sort of pain. Lisa closes her eyes against it, not willing to provide comfort to her rival, even though she’s now starting to think that comparing him to the envious girls on the cheer squad might have been trivializing.

“I’m not a threat to you,” Cas continues, reaching over to take her hand in his own. She blinks her eyes open in surprise, staring at their joined hands before looking up at Cas’s face, all the more startled by the clear sincerity written in his features. “Dean doesn’t have feelings for me. He’s straight, and he’s in love with you, and you should give him another chance. Lisa, I _promise_ ,” and his voice is cracking and Lisa’s not entirely sure what to do in this kind of situation, “I will never come between you two, my feelings have nothing to do with your relationship, and all I really want is for him to be happy. _You_ can do that, so _please_.”

Lisa takes a breath and holds it, completely thrown by the crack in Cas’s veneer. An errant thought wiggles around in her brain, again worrying that she has completely underestimated Cas’s feelings and should probably tread much more carefully, because this may not just be some random crush, making Dean into some kind of closet key that Cas will get over once he gets further out into the world and meets some actual gay guys. Cas might actually be _in love_ with Lisa’s boyfriend, like pure, true, _unconditional_ love, and that thought scares the shit out of her, because she’s not entirely sure she can give that to Dean. The way he’s been behaving lately, the drinking, the parties, letting his grades drop… no wonder Dean calls Cas to rescue him, because he can be sure Cas will come. Lisa’s already abandoned him once, and if she’s completely honest, she’s not really willing to put up with the drunkenness much longer. She doesn’t like what it does to Dean, and she doesn’t want to see him like that.

She _loves_ Dean. He’s _her_ boyfriend, and she loves him, and she wants him to get better and be happy, and maybe Cas is right, maybe she _can_ do that.

But what if she can’t stand by his side while he tries? What if she can’t support him or help him back up when he falls?

Suddenly, she feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, like it’s all up to her to save Dean. And she doesn’t want this pressure, but she doesn’t want the guilt if she gives it up either.

So she swallows and nods, closing her eyes against Cas’s pleading, hopeful stare. She squeezes his hand before drawing back, and wonders if they just connected on some level. The thought of a club for people hopelessly in love with Dean Winchester almost makes her laugh, but she manages to stifle it before opening her eyes and nodding again. “I’ll call him.”

“Thank you,” Cas says, again full of sincerity that makes Lisa uncomfortable.

“You promise you won’t try and steal him away from me?” she asks, trying and failing to make it sound like a joke. Still, Cas is kind enough to smile.

“There’s no point in trying. I’m certain of that,” he answers. Again, he looks sad, and again, Lisa refuses to comfort him. What can she say that won’t be either condescending to him or damning to her? “You are an incredibly kind and generous person, Lisa,” Cas continues, still smiling, though Lisa doesn’t understand how he can do it. “I’m very glad that Dean has you.”

Lisa tightens her jaw and shrugs, unsure of how to respond to a statement like that, but Cas seems to understand. He gets to his feet, and she follows suit, leading him back to the front door and hating the look of peace on his face. Like he meant it when he said he just wanted Dean to be happy. Her father said that about her mother, once upon a time, but Daddy never looked quite so content about it.

Lisa almost wishes she had more time to reevaluate her relationship. Consider its strengths and weaknesses and pros and cons and figure out what they can fix and what they can’t. But, knowing Dean, she’s pretty sure she’ll have to call him as soon as Cas leaves, if she wants to cut him off before he makes any more mistakes.

Cas pauses in the doorway, but before he can say anything, Lisa sputters, “I’m glad he has you too,” and is surprised to realize that she means it. Even if she can’t give Dean everything he needs, and even if Cas is right and Dean won’t love him that way, at least she knows that Cas will be there to prop Dean up when she can’t. That Dean will never hit his lowest point, because Cas won’t let him.

Cas raises his eyebrows and blinks once, but otherwise his face is stoic. Back to that again. Lisa sighs and awkwardly reaches over to pat Cas’s shoulder. “Hang in there,” she offers before sighing again. “Thank you for coming by.”

“Thank you for listening,” Cas responds, eyes scanning her one last time before he waves and heads down the front steps. He takes off at a run as soon as he hits the sidewalk, and Lisa watches until he disappears around the corner, only then stepping back inside and closing the door.

She pulls her phone out of her pocket and stares at it for a long moment. She really does want to try again with Dean. He’s a good guy, despite all the shit going on in his life right now, despite all the mistakes he makes. And if she can’t give him unconditional love, like Cas can, well, there is still something she can give Dean that Cas can’t. Something a little (a lot) better than a kiss.

And she’s pretty sure Dean will be more than willing to indulge.

Sleeping with Dean has distracted him from Cas in the past, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try it one more time.

She flips her phone open and dials Dean’s number. He answers after only two rings.

Somehow, that makes Lisa feel a little better.

  
**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've got a good start going on part 4, but I thought I'd go ahead and finish this up, since it's been sitting on my laptop for a while :) 
> 
> Again, I really enjoy writing the interludes, and I got a few suggestions after I posted Charlie's (how Bela and Cas bonded is actually a really interesting one, so that'll probably be next, lol; it might be a liiiittle spoilery, but I've been dropping hints left and right about that, and at least one person has already guessed, plus I don't think everyone reads the interludes so I'll run with it)! But if there's anything you'd like to see, I'd love to hear it! It's nice to get out of Dean and Cas's heads for a while, or even to explore an old scene from the other's point of view. The only reason I won't do one is because there's a major spoiler involved, and even then I'll probably set it aside and do it after the reveal, so feel free to ask for anything!
> 
> Okay, back to work on part 4! Don't forget to come harass me [on tumblr](http://vintagenoise.co.vu) from time to time, haha, I love to hear from you guys!


End file.
